


The Admission of a Passing Thought

by Life_0r_Death



Series: Paradigm of Love [2]
Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! GX
Genre: Drabble, Drabble Collection, Falling In Love, First Confession, First Love, Idiots in Love, M/M, School Festivals, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Shadow Riders, bastion falling in love with jaden, chapter in a series, duel monsters cosplay, paradigm of love, season 2 centered, tutorshipping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:41:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24402976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Life_0r_Death/pseuds/Life_0r_Death
Summary: Our firsts are forever important. They are the beginning of a romance, and the structure to its power.Bastion Misawa never dreamt he would confess his adoration for Jaden Yuki through a passing of a thought.
Relationships: Misawa Daichi | Bastion Misawa/Yuuki Juudai | Jaden Yuki
Series: Paradigm of Love [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1758052
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	The Admission of a Passing Thought

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to First Confession.

Bastion was completely and utterly distracted.

Despite Professor Banner going missing, potentially working for the Shadow Riders, and most likely becoming their next enemy, he just couldn’t focus. His realization of his feelings for Jaden tormented him. He worked for weeks on equations, formulas, self-help books, and all sorts of scientific and psychological methods to explain away his emotions. Tania had to be more important than what his brain was assigning her. Jaden had to be just a friend.

However, the more he  pondered his unrest , the more he realized  his spiraling descent into madness . Bastion was totally head over heels for the Slifer Red student.  To his fortunate luck, Jaden had absolutely no idea.  Though, Bastion would prefer it to stay that way. His infatuated core─his sun─had a plethora of people pining after him. He couldn’t make a move even if he considered doing so. Not that he ever would.  No, no, no. Bastion had to focus on his grades, his health, his awareness, his dueling, and his social dynamic. Desperately clawing at a door like a lost kitten would just end in… flames.

One would think disregarding their feelings would be an easy feat. It was, in fact, one of the hardest accomplishments Bastion ever had to achieve.  Everyone was always with Jaden. Even he was always with the student, hanging out at the Slifer dorms or cafeteria to talk structured strategy about how to handle the coming Shadow Riders. Sure, there were some shenanigans that occurred: Chazz and Jaden would play fight, Syrus and Chumley would poke fun or day dream about girls, and Bastion would take in Jaden’s physique and kindness. The only ones who were truly rigid in planning were the Obelisk students: Alexis and Zane.

Prior to his discovery, Bastion would have  been among the focused group. He was, however, so caught up in his own flourish of emotions that he couldn't think straight even if he wanted to.  There were many times when  he zoned in on Jaden, believing he was spe cifically talking to him, or interacting with him, or wanting his company.  But, he knew better. They were in the dorms, Jaden didn’t want him to feel left out. It was kind, but it was a distraction nonetheless.

The charade of unfocused blithering affected them to a point where they, for some unknown reason, had decided to take a break from the Shadow Riders. An inconceivable notion, yet it happened all the same. Like a strange thought that the evil doers would put their schedules on hold just so they could relax. In either case, they took their break during a time when the whole campus was so busy that _maybe_ even the Shadow Riders among them were delayed.

Bastion, Jaden, and gang were a part of the school festival where each color held some sort of event. Obelisk Blue tended to host cafes with the theme catering toward the women of their color. Ra Yellow had carnival contraptions like the Ferris Wheel and other such machines.

Bastion didn’t work on any of the  Ra  sets.  He’d been too busy calculating and planning and… who was he kidding? Those were excuses. He hadn’t helped because he had been too focused on deciding if he was having a heart attack, or if he really was just so in love with Jaden that it made his heart race a mile a minute.

Despite his inner turmoil, the break was created to help the Slifer Red students. Everyone was mostly there for Jaden, but Syrus had become the self-appointed manager of their events. A Duel Monsters cosplay contest that included a special cosplay duel was their attraction. However, without female Red students─as stated by Syrus despite Bastion informing him that only Obelisk Blue had female students─they were lacking in the pizzaz department. Alexis was roped into helping the dorm, as well as placing all hands on deck.

Bastion wasn’t one to scowl at initiative nor was he one to outright ignore what was asked of him.  However, h is distraction was too great. Jaden had left him without a single moment unspoken to. The brunet would lean into his space, ask for his comments, smile and wink. Everything that set Bastion’s cheeks aflame and his eyes blurry. He couldn’t focus on what Syrus needed, nor on what was tasked of him. He just simply followed the brightest star and hoped he wouldn’t get caught in the explosion.

“Wow, Alexis! You look great!” Syrus beamed, jumping and smiling at the Obelisk student.  Pausing in his subconscious pursuit of Jaden,  Bastion honed in on her. She was dressed as a Harpie Lady, discussing how there were supposed to be three of them but her friends bailed.  Blinking, he realized they were in the cafeteria with tons of boxes of different monster costumes around them. Right, he’d been moving without really thinking, and this was where they had ended up. Bastion forced himself to back up, standing near the wall instead of beside Jaden. Syrus and Zane took his space over immediately.

Picking at his sleeves, a terrible and horrendous habit, Bastion watched as the group asked what Jaden would wear. He looked over an assortment of cosplays, a musing hum escaping his lips. Bastion’s own twitched, a smile and laugh threatened to jump forth. Jaden grabbed several different types of costumes, putting together a piece of pure disorganization and chaotic randomness. But that was exactly how the Slifer did everything. He was outrageous, always keeping people on their toes.

Bastion didn’t think he would be so infatuated if he were so orderly.

“Jay! Go into the dressing room!” Syrus pushed the brunet toward the ‘dressing area’ which just happened to be the kitchen. Bastion had been too focused on the Slifer’s personality that he’d barely registered that Jaden had stripped himself of his shirt and jacket, flaunting his upper body without a care. If Bastion were a steam boiler, he’d be overheating and whistling with how hot his face felt. He had to tug on his neck collar, releasing a bit of the temperature gathering in order to calm down.

His eyes locked with Jaden. The Slifer took one scanning look at him, then grinned. All teeth, all gleaming, pointed right at his blush. It felt like everyone and everything was shoved to the sides, leaving an open lane between himself and Jaden. Breath coming up in short gasps, Bastion broke the contact. Everything slammed back, all the obstacles blocking their way as Jaden was thrown into the kitchen by the smaller Slifer. That look had almost been like… he  _ knew _ . Bastion couldn't bear the thought of Jaden knowing his feelings.

A distraction. That’s all this was. Bastion needed to focus on what was important, which were the Shadow Riders and their impending arrival. He needed to form plans in case Professor Banner really was on their side. He couldn’t let these  diversions stop him. Nor the aching need to just confront Jaden and tell him his thoughts. Especially if the Slifer knew. Which he couldn’t have… right?

When Jaden returned, dressed as a disaster, everyone laughed besides Bastion. He remained away from the group,  fingers pulling threads from the end of his yellow jacket. Frowning, he’d have to fix the damage he was causing, cut the longer ends and sew up whatever hole he’d created. Or buy a new jacket, which wasn’t in the budget since he needed to focus on what he’d get for lunch or add to one of his decks. He had a strict outline of what he could and couldn’t afford, and jacket’s ripped by his own hands were not under ‘emergency provisions.’

Glancing up, Bastion pulled his collar up, covering his chin just a bit. Zane flicked his eyes at him, causing him to stiffen. How mortifying. Zane caught him acting like a scared turtle, trying to return to his shell.

“Oi, Bastion. What do you think?”

Eyes refocusing, Bastion nearly gasped with how close Jaden was to him. He stood only a few feet away, burning him, and smiling so brightly. He opened his arms wide, as if to wrap around Bastion’s chest in a tight hug. His cheeks darkened from pink to red, he could feel it. But instead of holding him, Jaden did a small spin. He showed all angles of his mismatched Duel Monsters costume, grinning and laughing. Everyone threw him looks of adoration. Bastion held his lips in a tight line as he regarded Jaden’s decisions.

A cape from Celtic Guardian, a witch’s hat, and sorcerers’ armor assembled from several spellcaster monsters.  As Jaden came to a halt in his spin, he continued to beam at him, all smiles and bright cheeks. Swallowing, and lips parting,  Bastion found him ravishing, beautiful, otherworldly, and purely…

“Amazing.” His voice nearly squeaked. He cleared it, “You look great.”

“Heh, thanks!” Jaden gave another spin. “What are you going to wear?”

Bastion blinked,  “ Huh ?”

“You gotta wear something too, Bas! Come on, I bet I can pick you out something  _ amazing _ as well!” Jaden winked at him.  Throat dry, Bastion stuttered as Jaden grabbed his wrist. He pulled him forward, his hot palm still coming through his jacket to his skin. What if Jaden actually touched him? Skin to skin? Would he be just as hot as it seemed? He wanted to test that theory, wanted to feel those soft hands holding him, burning him, making his head so light he thought he was going to burst like the vacuum of space.

As they neared the tables, Jaden released him. He shifted the boxes, searching for specific items. Fingers going to his warm jacket, Bastion placed his palm over where Jaden’s had been. A tingle ran up his arm as he imagined his fingers interlaced with Jaden’s. If he confessed… would he get that? Would Jaden hold his hand and smile and laugh with him while they went on dates or just met up for study sessions?

If  he confessed right there in the cafeteria, with  how he had analyzed his emotions and tested his theory by contact and close approximation alone, would he still have this beaming ball of joy before him? Or would Jaden slowly forget him, ignore him until he became nothing more than a far away name that barely left the group’s lips? And if that were to happen… would he break?

“Put these on! I think you’ll like them.” Jaden chuckled, placing a bunch of items in his hands before his burning palms touched Bastion’s back, sending him into the ‘dressing rooms.’ Once within, the door was closed and he heard Syrus talking, saying they needed to go and prepare for the duel.

He really hadn’t planned on participating in the event. If he had adjusted his schedule for it, he would have prepared something more thought out like a tiger or a water dragon. But, sifting through the clothes in his arms, Bastion couldn’t help but smile at the items. Jaden had really been thinking about his personality and likes. He’d given him a white lab coat, some strange necklaces, and what he thought appeared to be monster hands. It was a strange assortment, making a mad scientist gone creature look, but it was endearing.

Resigning himself to defeat, he put the lab coat on his shoulders, finding it slightly snug against his muscles. The necklaces came over his throat, resting against his turtleneck sweater in a clash of musty yellow paint against forest green. Murmurs came through the door, Syrus telling Alexis and Jaden to head outside to the duel arena. Waiting, Bastion listened as thumping noises came closer, then Chazz’s voice reiterating the same idea. After a few more pounding footsteps, it became silent. Bastion was left alone.

Sighing, Bastion threw the monster hands to the counter before leaning against it as he let some time tick by. A burning sensation within his gut made him feel on edge. How easy it had become for their friends to forget about him, and leave him behind. Especially now that he lost his Shadow Charm. He was useless to them, just another player in Jaden’s circle that barely registered on the field.

For a fleeting moment, Bastion  had felt special enough to matter. To them, but most importantly, to Jaden. What a silly notion.

Using the edge of the lab coat, Bastion wiped at his eyes. He gathered himself, smacking his cheeks to bring back some color. Satisfied, he opened the door and found the cafeteria empty, as he thought it would be. He closed the door, softly, as he swallowed. He berated himself. Of course Jaden didn’t know his feelings. This was solid enough proof, giving him time to correct his magnetism. He’d force his feelings to be cut off one way or another.

A wolf whistle startled him.  Leaning against the door for support, he turned to peer to his left. Standing beside the tables, Jaden regarded him with a glint in his eyes. He grinned,

“The scientist-look really is your style, Bas.”

And just like that, Jaden set him ablaze and utterly derailed him again. How had he not noticed the goofy male standing with his hands on his hips as he left the kitchen? It was impossible to hide Jaden, he was too loud and boisterous and bright, yet he had evaded Bastion’s radar.

Cornering him and making him lean against the door entirely, Jaden entered his space and grabbed the lab coat near his chest. His fingers sent strange sensations throughout Bastion’s body. He didn’t want Jaden to stop touching him as he pulled the coat straighter. A smile thrown up at him, brown eyes swirling with mirth and curiosity. Bastion’s throat dried, the need to lick his lips dominating his mind. Would Jaden think that was weird? He’d definitely think it was an anomaly.

“Come on, the others are waiting!” Jaden  grinned, fingers snaking around his wrist and pulling him forward. They nearly raced out of the cafeteria, Bastion’s face hot from his indecent thoughts. He was thankful for the slowly setting sun, as well as the ability to hide his face with all the students surrounding the arena. It seemed Syrus’ and Chumley’s flyer with Dark Magician Girl had gathered the attention they hoped for.

There were tons of students from all over campus, blue sat beside red and yellow like they were best friends instead of clique enemies. Some students even dressed up, less haphazardly, and there were others who just wore extra makeup. He didn’t know what made them all turn up, but it  was pleasant to see. The Slifer dorm faced a lot of challenges. If, for one moment, they could garner the attention they deserved, it made him happy.

A bit thankful for the renewed distractions, they took Jaden from his side so he could duel  against Alexis, who ran away after her brother and was left with a mysterious woman dressed as the Dark Magician Girl. The Slifer’s clothes didn’t stay on long before he disrobed─much to the extreme palpitations of his heart─and became more comfortable to duel. It was all a part of his charm though, making Jaden stand out as both a clown and a kind hearted soul.

While he dueled, Bastion found himself unable to think of anything other than his feelings once more. About the dark dread that haunted the result of his confession. Jaden gave no indications that he was interested in men. He gave no indication he was interested in anyone, but regardless, Jaden seemed to favor the fairer sex.

Bastion was nothing like a girl. He didn’t want to be anything like a girl either. He was masculine in the best way he thought possible, though gender norms didn’t really matter to him. He prided himself on his health, his intellect, and his dueling skills. But these attributes were nothing compared to a cute skirt or curved hips. Traits the average male seemed to appeal toward, and Jaden was most likely no different. Even if Bastion was considered the best duelist, Jaden probably wouldn’t bat an eye in an affectionate manner toward him. Sighing, he missed the days when their banter included the Slifer calling him ‘number two.’ of the school.

Their strange sassy chats used to lead to much more. They’d spend time together, eat together, sleep together (of which now he regretted not taking advantage of more), and dueled. It was almost like their own little world. But, as Jaden gained more rivals, he found himself being pushed farther and farther back. The brunet was the centerpiece, the core for all of their lives. Nothing could obstruct him from their gravity, but Bastion was nothing more than a passing meteor. He flew in, he got caught up in the atmospheric pulls, and as much as he wanted to stay his revolution was on its final turn. Soon, he’d be sent off back into the cold, dark abyss of space.

Glancing back at his sun, Jaden was winning the duel. Everyone booed him, cheering for Dark Magician Girl and her showmanship. Jaden smiled sheepishly even as Chazz and Syrus called him out on harming the true star. However, as if sensing his stare, Jaden gave him a smile. His eyes roamed over his costume, making Bastion’s skin tingle, before a smile landed back toward him. No, a grin that shone so bright that Bastion’s heart wept.

He wanted nothing more than to hide away.

Soon, Jaden won the match but lost the battle of everyone’s favor. The brunet crumbled to the ground, sitting crossed legged while he watched everyone fawn over the mysterious woman. Unable to approach alone, Bastion followed Zane and Alexis to Jaden’s side. The Slifer scratched his head in puzzlement, wondering what happened to the game that made him a villain.

“You had fun, right?” Bastion found himself asking, kneeling down  and resting against his heels  beside Jaden as the two Obelisk students moved forward, ready to sit beside Jaden on his other side. He played with the lab coat sleeves, staring at his lap. He couldn’t look at Jaden for fear of showing him  _ everything _ .

“Yeah, I guess I did. Still... playing the villain isn’t great. But, you were rooting for me, right, Bas?”

Bastion smiled, his cheeks heating just a bit as he imagined Jaden smiling at him, staring at him like he was the only thing that mattered in all of the world. The sun was setting, and the others were beginning to set up the bonfire to cozy up by and conclude the festival. A romantic notion that seemed almost just for them. But he reminded himself that Zane and Alexis were by their sides, making everything platonic as it should be.

“Of course, Jaden. You were flawless, exceptional, and exuded talent. Like you always do.”

“Aw, Bas. You’ll make me blush.”

The cover of darkness really worked in his favor, hiding his crimson cheeks and red ears. An orange hue casted over the two of them as the fire flared to life, the students around them whooping and hollering. All of this helped to hide the tones of his infatuation.

Jaden leaned on his arm, his body shifting closer to Bastion. He could feel his radial nerves spark at the magnetism of the brunet, wanting nothing more than to lean against him in a comfortable embrace. Too strange, though, to fake it. He did, however, still enjoy the closeness.

He liked spending time with Jaden even if it was with friends and nowhere near as romantic as his mind wanted it to be. Heck, if he wanted it to be romantic, he’d have to tell the man how he felt.  He’d have to throw his fears aside, and just take the plunge. Heart hammering, his smile fell as he calculated those results once more.

“What would you do if you knew I love you?” His fingers pulled  harshly  at threads  on his sleeves . He had calculated the results a thousand times. Jaden would reject him, eyes holding a haunting disgust that spoke volumes before words would even leave his lips. It would end in total and utter failure, and Bastion would lose his friend.

“You love me?”

Like glass shattering, Bastion’s lungs stuttered. His heart rammed against his chest, painfully. He blinked owlishly, quickly flicking his irises to the brunet, finding brown ones absorbed in darkness and in flames. The fire reflected its dance, mocking him of the truth that he stupidly exposed. Fearful, he glanced around Jaden’s side. Alexis and Zane were nowhere to be seen. He’d been alone when he confessed his love.

He swallowed. He could… he could fix this. Jaden was asking him to confirm something. Misnomer and miscommunication were classic happenings around the Slifer. Bastion could  slip through the cracks of deceit, hiding his truth and mend the friendship before it truly broke. Or… he could confirm his confession. He’d already started, what was the point in hiding it more? Did he really fear that abyss so much that he’d take it back?

Inhaling, he realized he was taking too long to reply.

“I love you...r dueling. You are quite talented.” Bastion’s throat  felt like it was closing up, an allergic reaction that without a lifeline would cause him to perish before he meant to. Stupidly, his mind had picked both routes. He finished the confession while hiding it again with a deceitful truth. He should have been clear and concise on whichever route he chose. Instead, he was faced with unreadable brown eyes that seemed to search his soul vastly. He couldn’t handle it.

Quickly, Bastion looked at a non-existent watch upon his wrist, “Oh, it’s quite late isn’t it? I have formulas to be working on. Y-You continue having fun. I'll s-see you tomorrow!”

“Bas─”

“Jaden, are you still moping?”

Bastion took advantage of Alexis and Zane arriving. He hopped to his feet , giving a nod toward the Obelisk students before turning tail and departing. He had debated returning the clothes to the cafeteria, but one glance at Jaden showed that he was ready to dash in after him, corner him, and trap him for ridicule.  To confirm his suspicions. To then push Bastion out of his life forever.

Closing the lab coat around himself,  he made his quick departure back toward the Ra Yellow dorms. Jaden’s call came once more behind him, but he never felt the Slifer’s touch upon his shoulders or a shove against a tree or a hurdle toward the ground. No, the Obelisk students stopped him in his tracks, leaving Bastion to walk alone all the way to his room. Biting his lip, he made sure to keep his face downcast from any passing students. They didn’t need to see his weakness.

What a fool he was! He could have been tactful, or he could have never said a word. In either case, their friendship would not have been spoiled. Jaden and he could have continued being  rivals all the way to the end. The end of what? He didn’t know, but it had been the only variable he’d never sought the solution to.

Upon returning to his room, he  took off the costume parts, neatly folded them and placed them upon his desk. He left a note on top to remind himself to return them to the Red dorm in the morning… if he even had the guts to do so. Musing his hair out of it’s slicked back style, he changed into a large T-shirt robotically. He took off his pants and remained in boxers, crawling under the sheets of his bed. Curling around a pillow, he buried his face against the fabric, letting the material soak up any stray tears he couldn’t hold back.

He reminded himself that Jaden may have been his first love, but there were going to be others. Even if it ended badly, he’d move on. But another part concluded that the only reason he had any light at all was because Jaden provided it. Once he was gone, what would Bastion have left? Nothing but an empty void, no friends, and a shattered heart because he was too frightened to provide a specific and concise answer. It was all his own doing, and in the end, he probably deserved the result.

Slowly, he closed his eyes and forced his breathing to even. He dreamt of Jaden’s smile, fading farther and farther away until Bastion was left in an endless void of darkness, holding himself together even though he was slowly breaking apart.

Who’d have thought that Bastion Misawa would screw up so royally, barreling a love confession for Jaden Yuki in the passing of a thought?

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope to hear your feedback, critiques, and thoughts! Otherwise, stay safe and stay healthy!


End file.
